Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
