I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
