we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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