K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
