You smell like a Billy Joel song
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
