I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
