she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
