Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
