I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How naked do you want me to be?
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