apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
