apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
