HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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