he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
