You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
