how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
