nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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