she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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