Your dad touched me again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
