I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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