Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize