hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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