I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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