just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
