Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
soo... how was my night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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