I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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