Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
