do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
