Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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