Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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