I smell stomach acid.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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