I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
