I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
