my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I deserve this hangover.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
