Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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