Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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