I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
