i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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