Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
