i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize