And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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