My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize