so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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