Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize