i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
