I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize