none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you never un-have a 4some
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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