I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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