hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
