Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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