Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
