Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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