She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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