He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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