In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
