They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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