i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
high people should be assigned attendants
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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