i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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