he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
