I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
