I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
