suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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