remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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