Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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