I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
