im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize