This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
