Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You left your underwear on the fireplace
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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