i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
